November 7, 1944
As always your grand comforting, and understanding letter I’ve read many many times and will as the days go on many time more. Never a day goes ad–infinitum but what I think of you and what a blessing to have your love and courage, your sound and beautiful philosophy, so unselfishly passed on to me. I can’t tell you what it means to me, how I lean and depend on it, and what makes you infinitely nearer and dearer to me and the children, is what you did for our dearest Jim— Some day I’ll be able, maybe, to look all this over. Now I find the going very difficult and no goal to strive for. I find myself so tossed and turn— Can it be right to worship anyone as I did my Jim— I cannot but wonder. Maybe contemplation lies in remote dark corners. I don’t know. And Again I try to fortify myself that God in his infinite mercy may have known that my Jim, by missing a few years of easy life in oldage he might too have missed untold suffering that age does and oftentimes brings— I know how fortunate I was to have had the privilege of being Jim’s wife, the mother of his children but Joy, my darling why did it have to end. Yet again, he may be in a purer light, while I, loving him so deeply and clearly, linger in the shadows.
I do so hope Joan finds her works interesting and likes it. She would be an asset to any firm or venture and so may she find loads of happiness in her work. I know whatever the task it will be well done by Joan. I’ve often wondered how your fared with locating an apartment. I could tell by your letter you were almost desperate. Also think Beverly is so fortunate to have Joan to lean on in so many ways. This may be the “reliance” that Beverly need and wants. I do hope so. Happiness though short lived and subject to merciless snatching is so very fundamental and essential and I think Beverly couldn’t find it in B-ville. This new prospective I hope is the answer for her. Manit and I have always been very fond of her. In fact all the girls altho the ones we know best are Bev and Barbara. How is mother’s brother David? I hope no unfortunate complications developed and that he’s well on the mend to recovery which I imagine will be slow and painful. How many people depend on you, my dear. I know how anxious you must feel with things so unsettled and complicated with your parents. You with your endless tact, good cheer, and infinite patience. I fervently hope under your able guidance the situation is easing up especially for you. I know it will, but it is slow and oh so depressing. So many things to consider and it all comes out of “my Joy’s” hide. You have many diamonds in your crown, I know.
We’re still at the family. My wage seems nil so much of the time and yet I am so desperately anxious to have our own home, which I know doesn’t sound consistent but I do hope something will present itself that will give me the “push” I need. We found one such palace but the size (after my children are launched on their own) frightened me. Jim, God bless him, always made me and so many others happy, comfortable, and safe— without that I find myself treading with great caution and prayers for something to turn up— which I assure the children will— and when we do have our own place, remember it’s yours always. Will you be in B-ville for Xmas or have you decided the East— Wherever it is we’ll be near you in spirit.
Manit is very happy with her work—Thank God for that. Jo and Marn, thrilled with their respective schools, and doing well— not A’s by any manner but just consistent constructive work which is developing them into finer, more tolerant and understanding women. I’ve seen it in Manit, but am now seeing definite evidences in the other two and I am thankful, knowing you’re interested and understand.
Don’t forget us, a kiss to each of you, and write when you find time— Bye Joy dear— Always the love of your devoted and grateful